Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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