the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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