It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
