Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's blow job season.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
