Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
