well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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