If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
