you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
