I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
