I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
