she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
