My room smells like vodka and shame
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
