My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
