Say something about gay babies.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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