marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
