I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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