I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
