Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
