I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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