GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
