How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
