Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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