I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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