She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
