I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
