I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
