so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
