We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
