Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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