I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
