there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
