A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
