First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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