she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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