so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
