You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize