Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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