yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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