Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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