Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
