Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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