What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize