So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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