I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
