Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
