that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
