1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize