I heard we made out
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
