My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
