I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize