Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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