I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
