I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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