Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
