he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
