I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
FUCK WHALES
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
