Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
