I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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