all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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