she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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