I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
