I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
