I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
