5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
