Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
