Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
