I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
