You work out of a Hotel?
I just pynch a tree in the face
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
