Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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