Tell her she can't have a vagina
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
