I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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