Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
