I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
