Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
