That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
