Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
