absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
