I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
