chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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