If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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