he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
