i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
