where does the pee come out of this thing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
