my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
