I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I smell stomach acid.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize