WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
