I can tuck mytits in my pants
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
