He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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