Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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