im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
