I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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